Inside the Child Development Expert Panel

What Really Shapes a Child’s Development

In October, I joined a professional panel with a pediatrician, occupational therapist, behavioral specialist, and several child development experts to explore one deceptively simple question: What really shapes a child’s early years?

Together, we walked through two real case studies—“Mia” and “Alex”—tracing their development from birth to age five. Both were bright and curious. Both attended preschool. Both showed small signs that could have benefitted from early support.

One received it. The other didn’t.

What followed was one of the most eye-opening discussions I’ve ever been part of.

• Why Preschools Often Notice Things First

  One of the biggest questions parents ask is, “Why did the school notice this before I did?”

  The truth is, development looks different in a group environment than it does at home.

  At home, routines bend around your child. You know their quirks, what soothes them, what sets them off. The world adapts to fit their rhythm.

  In preschool, the rhythm changes: there are transitions, peers, waiting turns, and shared attention.

  Those daily demands magnify the gap between what a child can do independently and what still requires support. A child who seems calm and capable one-on-one may struggle when asked to share materials, follow multi-step directions, or wait while someone else speaks.

  That doesn’t mean something is “wrong.” It means the environment is revealing what the next stage of growth requires.

  And that’s what great preschools do best—they notice, support, and partner with families early, while the brain is still in its most flexible, adaptable stage of development.

Mia and Alex: A Tale of Two Paths (Ages 0–5)

Below is a snapshot comparing the developmental journeys of Mia and Alex. Both children were bright and engaged. One received early support; the other did not.

Mia & Alex — Developmental Comparison (Ages 0–5)

Age / Stage	Child	What Was Observed	What Might Be Noticed	Who Might Bring It Up	Suggested Next Step	Urgency	Likely Benefit
Year 1	Alex	Babbles and responds to name and peek-a-boo Takes first steps around 10 months Some trouble sleeping through the night Struggles feeding himself finger foods	Sleep and self-feeding challenges are common, but if they persist, may point to sensory or fine-motor immaturity.	Parent, infant/toddler teacher, pediatrician	Keep observing; talk with pediatrician about a developmental screener if feeding or sleep struggles continue.	Watch & monitor	Early feeding and fine-motor practice can strengthen coordination.
Year 1	Mia	Rolls around 8 months Not interested in babbling yet Starts crawling just before 1st birthday Enjoys eating blueberries on her own Mom experiencing postpartum depression	Lack of babbling by 12 months can flag early language delay; family stress may affect communication.	Pediatrician at well-check; teacher/director if in early care	Request a developmental screener; if delays persist, ask for an early-intervention speech evaluation (free under age 3 through Regional Center).	Follow up now	Early speech support strengthens communication and bonding.
Year 2	Alex	Learns words quickly Shy around strangers Picky eater Likes going to preschool Tells teacher to change his diaper when dirty Climbs and runs easily	Mostly on track; continue to watch social comfort and functional language (using words to ask and share ideas).	Teacher or director	Encourage social play and vocabulary growth; screen if shyness or picky eating limit participation.	Watch & monitor	Builds confidence and self-help routines.
Year 2	Mia	Starts preschool Babbling only a few words—parents think she’ll “catch up” Has bitten a couple of friends Gets frustrated easily Cries at drop-off but settles after parents leave	Limited expressive language and biting suggest frustration with communication.	Teacher and director	Speech-language evaluation (free under 3 via Regional Center, or private if older).	Follow up now	Early therapy reduces frustration and builds expressive language.
Year 3	Alex	Loves pretend play Needs some guidance with sharing Has hit a few friends and throws tantrums when frustrated Enjoys soccer and physical play Can identify some colors and numbers	Repeated hitting and needing frequent help with sharing are significant flags for ongoing self-regulation challenges when they persist.	Teacher and director	Request a developmental or behavioral evaluation (closer look at emotions, attention, coping). Consider a play-based occupational-therapy consult for sensory regulation.	Follow up now (screen around age 3)	Early support builds coping skills, flexibility, and social confidence.
Year 3	Mia	Begins speech therapy—starts speaking in short sentences Still shy at first but developing friendships Loves circle time Fully potty trained at 3½ Prefers phone/tablet play at home	Language improving steadily; balance speech gains with social play; watch total screen time.	Teacher; speech therapist; parents	Continue speech therapy; prioritize face-to-face and pretend play; keep screens brief and predictable.	Watch & monitor	Stronger communication and confidence in groups.
Year 4	Alex	Has trouble writing his name Still has emotional outbursts when frustrated Bright and curious but needs extra support staying on task Enjoys group activities but can get disruptive Prefers outdoor play	Ongoing fine-motor and regulation issues now affecting learning and participation in group time.	Lead teacher/director; pediatrician	Occupational therapy (fine-motor & sensory) and a developmental evaluation focused on attention & regulation—before kindergarten.	Follow up now	Improves focus, coordination, and success in structured routines.
Year 4	Mia	Speech improving with weekly therapy More confident, initiating conversations with peers Writes her name and loves art/coloring Regressed after family vacation and demands a pull-up	Brief regressions after big changes can happen; should resolve with consistency.	Teacher and parents	Keep routines steady; continue speech therapy; check in if regression lingers.	Watch & monitor	Keeps momentum; language and confidence continue to grow.
Year 5	Alex	Still has trouble writing, cutting, and drawing Impulsivity and frustration continue Sometimes avoids structured tasks Strong physical skills—active and coordinated	Executive-function and self-regulation gaps now limiting learning and kindergarten readiness.	Pre-K teacher; director; pediatrician	Comprehensive developmental evaluation (full look at attention, regulation, and motor skills) and targeted supports before K.	Follow up now	Reduces stress; increases access to learning; smoother K transition.
Year 5	Mia	Communicates clearly in longer sentences Thrives in group play and storytelling Shows empathy and enjoys helping friends Independent in self-care Beginning to read sight words and loves books	Development on track.	Teacher and family	Continue reading and open-ended play; follow her interests.	All good	Smooth transition to kindergarten with strong social & emotional skills.

• More About Mia & Alex

  Here’s the spoiler: Alex is the child who didn’t receive early intervention. And at first glance, he doesn’t look that different from many children we know. He managed preschool. He had a few hiccups—occasional hitting, some transition struggles—but nothing that seemed alarming.

  Yet by the end of preschool, he was missing the single most critical skill for long-term academic success: self-regulation. Without self-regulation, even the brightest child can spend more time feeling stressed and reactive than calm and curious. And when that happens, they don’t fully benefit from all the rich learning experiences school offers.

  It’s not that Alex couldn’t “make it” through preschool—he did. But without early intervention, he entered kindergarten carrying a heavier cognitive and emotional load than he should have. That’s the real disservice.

  What was most striking to me is that, of the eight professionals on the panel, there was unanimous agreement: early support makes an extraordinary difference. The goal isn’t to suggest every child needs services—it’s to normalize the idea that getting help early isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of wisdom and love.

  We know so much more about child development than we did a generation ago. My hope, both from this discussion and from sharing these stories, is to break down any lingering stigma or hesitation families might feel about pursuing early support when it could help their child thrive.

  Because ultimately, the difference between Mia and Alex—the one who thrived and the one who struggled—came down to something subtle but powerful: early intervention.

• What Makes a Quality Preschool… a Quality Preschool?

  Beyond the buzzwords—Reggio Emilia, Montessori, Waldorf, Play-Based—each philosophy has its strengths, but how it’s brought to life can vary dramatically from school to school.

  As our panel discussed Mia and Alex’s development, one theme kept surfacing: truly great preschool environments don’t just teach—they shape the brain itself.

  What truly defines a great preschool is what happens in the small moments—the rhythm of the day, the tone of teacher voices, the joy and trust woven into every exchange. That’s where children’s brains—and identities as learners—are built.

  At WHPS, we’re inspired by Reggio Emilia, where the environment itself is a teacher and learning is inquiry-based, joyful, and personal. Our classrooms are designed for reflection and connection: filled with natural light, real materials, and children’s words and work. We also draw from other philosophies—the independence of Montessori, the whole-child rhythm of Waldorf, and the open-ended exploration of play-based learning. The result is something uniquely WHPS: a place where children build confidence, regulation, and an enduring love of learning.

  1️⃣ Connection is everything.

  Teachers who get down at a child’s level—eye-to-eye, calm, genuinely enjoying them—aren’t just being kind. That safety is neurological; it literally opens the brain to learning.

  For children still finding their words, connection is the bridge that lets curiosity take hold. It’s what gives them the courage to take healthy risks, try new materials, and trust their teachers.

  2️⃣ Play and movement are the real academics.

  Play-based doesn’t mean chaos—it means learning by doing.
  When children pour, balance, squeeze, climb, and dig, they’re building the architecture for future learning: coordination, focus, and fine-motor control—the foundation for writing and self-control.

  Even in high-achieving settings, play is non-negotiable. It’s the engine of executive function (EF)—the brain’s system for planning, shifting, and self-regulating.

  Between ages two and seven, the brain is growing faster than at any other time. This is when children form not just connections but beliefs about learning itself.
  If learning feels joyful and achievable now, it stays that way for life.

  EF built through play predicts not just kindergarten readiness, but lifelong outcomes—earning potential, college completion, even relationship stability.

  3️⃣ Emotional regulation and early independence.

  Big feelings are the work of this age. Great teachers don’t stop behavior—they teach through it. They help children label emotions with precision—emotional granularity—so they can distinguish mad from sad from left out.

  That’s also where the concept of the body budget comes in—the brain’s system for managing emotional energy. (Read more about the body budget ➜ link)
  When children learn to sense and balance their body budgets, they can stay curious, present, and ready to learn.

  Every small act of independence—pouring water, wiping spills, managing snack—teaches initiative, persistence, and calm after challenge.

  4️⃣ The environment teaches, too.

  A great preschool’s classroom is a co-teacher. Calm, organized spaces with accessible materials communicate respect and belonging: You’re capable. You belong here. You can do this yourself.

  Children internalize that message daily—and it becomes part of their identity as learners.

  5️⃣ Preschool teaches the process of learning itself.

  Between ages two and seven, the brain isn’t just absorbing facts—it’s wiring a template for learning.

  At WHPS, one tool you’ll see in every classroom is the KWL framework—What do we Know? What do we Want to know? What did we Learn?
  It may sound simple, but it teaches something profound: learning is a process you can own.

  When children learn to ask questions, explore, and reflect, they’re not just learning content—they’re building the belief that I can figure things out.

  That mindset outlasts any curriculum.

• How Do Schools Decide When to Recommend Outside Services?

  By preschool age—around two to four—we start to see children’s developmental profiles take shape. Some skills surge ahead while others unfold more slowly. That’s when the question arises:
  Is this typical variation, or something we should look at more closely?

  The short answer: it depends—but it depends on more than most people realize.

  🧠 When We Look More Closely

  Some situations call for immediate collaboration. Behaviors like hitting, biting, or eloping are safety concerns, and most schools aren’t equipped to manage those alone without outside help.
  In those cases, we partner with families right away to keep everyone safe, support regulation, and reduce recurrence.

  More often, though, the signs are subtle.
  A child may not be unsafe, but they’re not fully accessing the program—they’re spending more energy staying regulated than learning.
  That’s when teachers begin observing patterns across four developmental areas:

  • Language: Small gaps can ripple into behavior and learning. It’s not just how many words a child uses, but how effectively they use them to express needs and ideas.

  • Play: Play naturally evolves from parallel to cooperative and imaginative between ages three and five. If a child stays on the edges or repeats fixed patterns, it may be worth a closer look.

  • Engagement and transitions: How long a child can stay with a task, manage changes, and share attention—often the clearest window into readiness and regulation.

  • Self-regulation and independence: Managing frustration, emotions, and small responsibilities—skills that set the stage for success in kindergarten and beyond.

  Any one of these areas—or the overlap between them—can prompt a closer look.
  We focus on patterns over time, not isolated moments.

  🌱 Adjustments and Support While Families Explore Next Steps

  At WHPS, our process is always holistic and collaborative.
  We know that early support can feel like a big decision for families, so while parents explore an evaluation or outside services, we put a lot of care into what we can do right here at school.

  Our directors and teachers spend time observing children both during their calm, confident moments and in the trickier times of day. We’re always looking for their strengths—the moments when they light up, focus deeply, or show leadership—and building from there.

  Sometimes small adjustments can make a real difference:

  • Creating a cozy break area where a child can regroup and return ready to learn

  • Offering movement breaks or simple sensory supports

  • Giving the child a special job or responsibility, like carrying the emergency backpack or watering plants—something that builds both confidence and regulation

  These small steps help children feel capable, grounded, and connected.
  We take our role seriously as a partner in this process—helping children succeed now, even as families explore what additional support might be needed.

  That said, when we see a consistent developmental gap or plateau, we know that classroom adjustments alone may not be enough.
  That’s when we recommend looking beyond the classroom for more targeted evaluation and support.

  🧭 Multiple Options, Thoughtful Timing

  When we recommend outside services, we strive to provide multiple options and clear guidance.
  We typically allow several weeks for families to explore next steps, and we stay involved as a thought partner and guide along the way. Our goal is to make the process feel informed, supported, and collaborative—not rushed or intimidating.

  🧒 The Best Starting Point for Young Children

  For children under age three, the Regional Center is often the best place to start.
  They offer in-house developmental screenings and directly provide early-intervention services for children with identified needs.
  We often urge families to reach out as soon as possible, since Regional Center services are typically free or low cost and coordinated through one source, making the process much simpler and less stressful.

  After age three, families usually turn to private evaluations or services.
  These can be incredibly helpful but are sometimes more costly, and not all services are covered by insurance.
  That’s why we always share a range of community-based, low-cost, and private options—so families can make informed choices that fit their needs and comfort.

  ❤️ The Goal: Understanding and Empowerment

  It’s never about labeling—it’s about clarity, understanding, and helping children feel successful.

  Early support, especially before age three, is often simple and highly effective.
  The earlier we help children balance what neuroscientists call the body budget—the brain’s system for managing emotional and cognitive energy—the more capacity they have for curiosity, connection, and growth.

  Because ultimately, the question isn’t “Is this typical?”
  It’s “Is this child thriving?”

• Other Expert Insights from the Panel

  While I shared the school perspective, the other specialists on the panel offered equally valuable insights from their fields.

  Our panel included additional specialists who offered valuable perspectives on supporting children’s development:

  • The Pediatrician emphasized that screen time under age two should be limited to direct human interaction (like FaceTime with family). Passive viewing displaces the sensory and social input that fuels language and attention. She also urged families to bring any developmental concerns raised by schools to their pediatrician early—she’s never seen that conversation not be worth having.

  • The Occupational Therapist explained how her work helps children strengthen foundational motor and sensory skills by breaking complex actions into smaller, achievable steps. What sometimes looks like “behavior” may actually reflect an underlying coordination or sensory challenge.

  • The Behavioral Specialist described how structured, play-based behavioral supports build confidence and self-regulation through consistent, incremental strategies.

  • The Mental Health Professional addressed the lingering stigma around mental health. She reminded parents that seeking help isn’t about “fixing” children—it’s about equipping them with coping and regulation skills. She also highlighted co-regulation—how our calm helps calm them—as one of the most powerful parenting tools we have.

Closing Thought

The preschool years are a magnifying glass, not a microscope—they don’t distort what’s there, but they help us see it clearly and early enough to make a difference.

Between ages two and seven, the brain is building not just knowledge, but identity: Who am I as a learner? Can I handle challenge? Do I feel capable and safe?

When connection, play, regulation, and environment come together with intention, children leave preschool not just ready for kindergarten—but ready for life.