Spotting What Matters Early
Why Preschool Patterns Tell the Real Story
This month, I was honored to represent Woodland Hills Private School (WHPS) and local San Fernando Valley preschools on a professional panel hosted by First 5 Yearz, alongside a pediatrician, occupational therapist, behavioral specialist, and children’s mental health clinician.
Together, we explored one deceptively simple question: What really shapes a child’s early years—and how can adults recognize the signs that matter most?
We examined two early childhood journeys—Mia and Alex—to see how development can unfold in different ways between birth and age five. Both were bright and curious. Both attended preschool. Both showed early signs that could have benefitted from extra support—yet only one received it.
The difference wasn’t about labels. It was about opportunity—and what happens when families, teachers, and specialists work together early enough to change the story.
How to read this comparison
Each timeline shows what adults noticed between birth and age five, what those patterns might mean, and what next step usually helps. We’re not reacting to single moments—we’re noticing patterns and acting early, ideally before age three, when the brain is most adaptable and support is often simple, short-term, and free through the Regional Center.
Mia & Alex — Developmental Comparison (Ages 0–5)
Alex
Year 1 Early cues
Babbles and responds to name and peek-a-boo. Takes first steps around 10 months. Some trouble sleeping through the night. Struggles feeding himself finger foods.
Sleep and self-feeding challenges are common, but if they persist, may point to sensory or fine-motor immaturity.
Parent, infant/toddler teacher, pediatrician.
Keep observing; talk with pediatrician about a developmental screener if feeding or sleep struggles continue.
Urgency Gentle watch
Low urgency; continue observation.
Likely Benefit
Reassurance and simple practice (self-feeding, finger foods) can support coordination if needed.
Year 2 Mostly on track
Learns words quickly; shy around strangers; picky eater. Likes going to preschool. Tells teacher to change his diaper when dirty. Climbs and runs easily.
Mostly on track; continue to watch social comfort and functional language (using words to ask and share ideas).
Teacher or director.
Encourage social play and vocabulary growth; screen if shyness or picky eating limit participation.
Urgency Low
Watch & monitor.
Likely Benefit
Builds confidence and self-help routines.
Year 3 Emerging self-regulation needs
Loves pretend play; needs some guidance with sharing. Has hit a few friends and throws tantrums when frustrated. Enjoys soccer and physical play. Can identify some colors and numbers.
Beyond age 3–3½, frequent hitting during conflict, persistent transition struggles, and repeated tantrums at school are not age-typical and warrant follow-up to support self-regulation and language for problem-solving.
Teacher and director.
Request a developmental or behavioral evaluation (closer look at emotions, attention, coping). Consider a play-based OT consult for sensory regulation.
Urgency High
Follow up now (screen around age 3).
Likely Benefit
Early support builds coping skills, flexibility, and social confidence.
Year 4 Impact on learning
Has trouble writing his name; still has emotional outbursts when frustrated. Bright and curious but needs extra support staying on task. Enjoys group activities but can get disruptive. Prefers outdoor play.
Ongoing fine-motor and regulation issues now affecting learning and participation in group time.
Lead teacher/director; pediatrician.
Occupational therapy (fine-motor & sensory) and a developmental evaluation focused on attention & regulation—before kindergarten.
Urgency High
Follow up now.
Likely Benefit
Improves focus, coordination, and success in structured routines.
Year 5 Kindergarten readiness
Still has trouble writing, cutting, and drawing. Impulsivity and frustration continue; sometimes avoids structured tasks. Strong physical skills—active and coordinated.
Executive-function and self-regulation gaps now limiting learning and kindergarten readiness.
Pre-K teacher; director; pediatrician.
Comprehensive developmental evaluation and targeted supports before K.
Urgency High
Follow up now.
Likely Benefit
Reduces stress; increases access to learning; smoother K transition.
Mia
Year 1 Early signs
Rolls around 8 months. Not interested in babbling yet. Starts crawling just before 1st birthday. Enjoys eating blueberries on her own. Mom experiencing postpartum depression.
Lack of babbling by 12 months can flag early language delay; family stress may affect communication.
Pediatrician at well-check; teacher/director if in early care.
Request a developmental screener; if delays persist, ask for an early-intervention speech evaluation (free under age 3 through Regional Center).
Urgency High
Follow up now.
Likely Benefit
Early speech support strengthens communication and bonding.
Year 2 Communication frustrations
Starts preschool. Babbling only a few words—parents think she’ll “catch up.” Has bitten a couple of friends. Gets frustrated easily. Cries at drop-off but settles after parents leave.
Limited expressive language and biting suggest frustration with communication.
Teacher and director.
Speech-language evaluation (free under 3 via Regional Center, or private if older).
Urgency High
Follow up now.
Likely Benefit
Early therapy reduces frustration and builds expressive language.
Year 3 Therapy gains
Begins speech therapy—starts speaking in short sentences. Still shy at first but developing friendships. Loves circle time. Fully potty trained at 3½. Prefers phone/tablet play at home.
Language improving steadily; balance speech gains with social play; watch total screen time.
Teacher; speech therapist; parents.
Continue speech therapy; prioritize face-to-face and pretend play; keep screens brief and predictable.
Urgency Low
Watch & monitor.
Likely Benefit
Stronger communication and confidence in groups.
Year 4 Momentum building
Speech improving with weekly therapy. More confident, initiating conversations with peers. Writes her name and loves art/coloring. Regressed after family vacation and demands a pull-up.
Brief regressions after big changes can happen; should resolve with consistency.
Teacher and parents.
Keep routines steady; continue speech therapy; check in if regression lingers.
Urgency Low
Watch & monitor.
Likely Benefit
Keeps momentum; language and confidence continue to grow.
Year 5 Ready for K
Communicates clearly in longer sentences. Thrives in group play and storytelling. Shows empathy and enjoys helping friends. Independent in self-care. Beginning to read sight words and loves books.
Development on track.
Teacher and family.
Continue reading and open-ended play; follow her interests.
Urgency All good
No follow-up needed.
Likely Benefit
Smooth transition to kindergarten with strong social & emotional skills.
Key Takeaway
On their own, moments like tantrums or picky eating don’t raise concern. But by about age three, when these patterns repeat or overlap—especially in a school setting—they can be early indicators of self-regulation challenges, not just boundary testing. Acting early isn’t about labeling a child; it’s about opening doors to confidence, connection, and learning while development is most flexible.
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Group life is a magnifier, not a microscope—it doesn’t distort what’s there; it helps us see it clearly.
At home, from the moment our children are born, we naturally shape life around them—their rhythms, preferences, and sensitivities. It’s not something we do intentionally; it’s simply what loving parents do. Even in homes with healthy routines and clear boundaries, family life subtly adapts to a child’s strengths and triggers in ways we may not even notice.
That’s why even the most balanced home environment can’t fully mirror what happens in a group setting. In preschool, children are suddenly part of a community where they must share attention, wait their turn, handle the impulsivity of others, and adapt to the unexpected—all within a single morning.
Those shared moments are what make school such a powerful lens. They reveal not just how a child behaves, but how they regulate, communicate, and connect when the world doesn’t automatically flex around their needs. That’s often when early differences come into focus—not as problems, but as opportunities to understand each child more deeply.
Our teachers observe children across many settings—circle time, outdoor play, small groups, transitions—building a nuanced picture of what’s typical, what’s worth watching, and what may benefit from a closer look.
When a teacher raises a question, it’s never about labeling a child—it’s an invitation to look together and explore what might help.
At WHPS, that process is strengthened by something rare:
we’re one of very few schools with a full-time, on-staff Child Development Specialist.Our Executive Director, Ailin Sacks, brings a clinical background in child development and leads our free developmental screening program for all WHPS families. This partnership ensures every observation is reviewed through both an educational and professional lens, keeping next steps timely, supportive, and family-centered.
This unique blend of daily observation, deep expertise, and genuine collaboration makes early detection at WHPS both effective and reassuring—turning questions into opportunities for every child to thrive.
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Here’s the spoiler: Alex was the child who didn’t receive early intervention.
At first glance, he looked fine—bright, social, and verbal. But by age three, repeated patterns like transition battles, frustration-driven hitting, and difficulty recovering from big emotions signaled regulation challenges.By contrast, Mia’s parents sought early speech support when her language lagged. That early help became the hinge point for her confidence and social growth.
By the end of preschool, Mia had developed strong communication and self-regulation skills—while Alex, equally bright, entered kindergarten already weighed down by the effort it took just to stay calm.
Every expert on the panel agreed: early help isn’t about identifying deficits—it’s about removing obstacles to learning. The difference between Mia and Alex came down to something subtle but powerful: early, proactive support.
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At the panel, I was asked what really defines a high-quality preschool. The truth? It’s less about the label—Reggio, Montessori, Play-Based—and more about what happens in the small moments: the tone of teacher voices, the rhythm of the day, and the connection behind every exchange.
At WHPS, our program blends the reflection of Reggio Emilia, the independence of Montessori, the balance of Waldorf, and the joy of open-ended play into one cohesive approach.
1️⃣ Connection is everything.
Eye-level, warm, attuned teaching creates neurological safety, the foundation for learning. Teachers greet children by name, narrate emotions gently, and co-regulate in the moment—helping every child feel safe enough to take healthy risks.
2️⃣ Play and movement are the real academics.
Pouring, squeezing, climbing, and digging aren’t “extra”—they’re the work that wires fine-motor control, focus, and self-regulation. Even gifted children need play; it fuels the executive functions behind all higher learning.
3️⃣ Emotional regulation and independence are taught, not assumed.
Big feelings are the work of this age. Great teachers don’t stop behavior; they teach through it—naming emotions, connecting body cues to calming tools, and nurturing small moments of independence that build real self-control.
4️⃣ The environment teaches, too.
Calm, beautiful spaces communicate: You belong. You’re capable. Our classrooms use natural light, real materials, and displays of children’s work to promote focus and pride.
5️⃣ Preschool teaches the process of learning itself.
Through frameworks like KWL (What do we Know, Want to know, Learned), children learn to direct inquiry and reflect on growth—discovering that learning isn’t something given; it’s something they create.
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Once group patterns begin to emerge, the next question becomes: When is it worth taking a closer look?
By ages two to four, every child’s developmental profile starts to take shape. Some skills sprint ahead while others unfold more slowly. Our goal isn’t to judge—it’s to recognize when a child might need a few extra tools to feel confident and successful.
At WHPS, teachers and directors look for patterns over time, not isolated moments. We notice what helps a child thrive, what triggers frustration, and what kinds of adjustments might bridge the gap between challenge and confidence. Just as importantly, we focus on each child’s strengths—the spark, curiosity, or creativity that can become the key to supporting growth in other areas.
🧠 When We Look More Closely
Sometimes the signs are obvious—biting, hitting, or running from the group. More often, they’re subtle: a child who hovers near play but doesn’t quite join in, who avoids certain textures, or who spends more energy staying regulated than learning or connecting.
🌱 What We Do While Families Explore Next Steps
Before suggesting any outside evaluation, we first refine what we can right here at school.
Small, intentional changes often make a big difference:Creating a cozy “regroup” spot for calming and re-entry
Offering sensory or movement jobs to organize the body and mind
Giving purposeful leadership tasks—like watering plants or carrying the emergency backpack—to build pride and belonging
Behind the scenes, our teachers and directors collaborate constantly—documenting progress, sharing insights, and adjusting strategies as we go. Families may not see every conversation, but they can feel the care behind it.
🧭 Timing Matters
For children under age three, Regional Center evaluations are typically free or low-cost and easy to access. After three, the process can become more complex and costly. Acting early saves families time, stress, and expense—and most importantly, helps children sooner.
❤️ The Goal: Understanding and Empowerment
Early support—especially before age three—is usually gentle, short-term, and highly effective.
Because when we help a child balance their “body budget,” we free their energy for what matters most: curiosity, connection, and joy in learning.At WHPS, we are exceptionally fortunate to have Ailin Sacks, our Executive Director and Child Development Specialist, whose clinical background brings an added layer of insight to everything we do. In addition to her work at WHPS, Ailin also serves on the clinical team at Child Development Institute’s Early Learning Center, collaborating with specialists who support young children and families.
While her role at WHPS is not to provide therapy or direct services, her expertise helps bridge the worlds of education and child development. She leads our free developmental screening program, guiding teachers, directors, and parents to view every observation through both an educational and professional lens—with recommendations that are timely, compassionate, and family-centered.
This rare, in-house expertise means WHPS families never navigate developmental questions alone—and every child is seen for both their strengths and their needs, receiving thoughtful, informed support right where they learn and grow every day.
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While I shared the school perspective, the other specialists on the panel offered equally valuable insights—each bringing a lens that deepened the conversation.
The Pediatrician emphasized that screen time under two should be limited to direct human interaction—talk, play, and eye contact. Passive viewing replaces the sensory and relational input that actually fuels brain growth.
She also urged families not to hold back when bringing up school concerns:“Don’t sugarcoat what the teachers are saying—tell me exactly what you’re seeing at school.”
She explained that the group environment often reveals developmental differences long before they’d be obvious at home, and that early conversations with your pediatrician almost always lead to something helpful.
The worst case, she said, is that the screening simply reassures everyone to keep watching—and that’s still a win.
The Occupational Therapist shared how many behaviors that look “defiant” or “impulsive” are actually signs of underlying sensory or coordination challenges. Her work helps children build motor and sensory skills through play-based exercises—rolling, climbing, swinging, tracing—that strengthen the body systems needed for focus and regulation. “When a child’s body feels right,” she noted, “their behavior often follows.”
The Behavioral Specialist described how structure and consistency can be profoundly calming for young children. Predictable routines, gentle redirection, and clear expectations—not rigidity—help children feel safe and capable. It’s about guiding, not controlling, and noticing small steps of progress over perfection.
The Mental Health Professional addressed the lingering stigma that still surrounds child therapy and parent coaching. Seeking help, she said, isn’t about fixing kids; it’s about equipping them—and us—with better tools for coping, flexibility, and connection. She also highlighted the power of co-regulation: when we stay calm, our children’s nervous systems mirror that stability.
Across every discipline, the message was unanimous: early support changes trajectories.
When families, teachers, and professionals collaborate early—openly, without fear or shame—children don’t just catch up; they grow with more confidence, more capacity, and more joy.
🌱 Closing Thought
Preschool isn’t about catching problems—it’s about catching opportunities. Between ages two and seven, the brain is building not just knowledge but identity: Am I capable? Can I handle challenge?
When connection, play, regulation, and environment come together with intention, children leave preschool not just ready for kindergarten—but ready for life.
Author’s Note: This article was adapted from a community panel hosted by First 5 Yearz, where leaders in pediatrics, occupational therapy, behavioral health, and early education—including WHPS—shared best practices for supporting children’s development in the early years.